Samhain Publishing

Damn the rules, damn the gods…even if he has to share her, she belongs to him.

Wasteland, Book 4

High Priestess Xian has followed the Path of the Peaceful Sun since she was chosen at birth. Yet the joy she receives from helping others is overshadowed by her growing belief that the world they live in is…wrong.

At a crossroads, unsure of her ability to do her job—unsure of anything—she journeys to the ruins of the old city, hoping to uncover secrets that will give her clarity. Instead she finds the path to her goal clouded by an unexpected desire for her handsome guard, Hel, and for the battered stranger they find along the way.

Hel can’t prevent Xian from reaching out to the mysterious Siraj, but there is danger in allowing him to stay. Siraj belongs to no caste, follows no rules but his own. And Xian’s fascination with him makes Hel’s blood boil. No one can know that Hel has always loved her, or the secret he’s kept hidden for years. But Siraj’s advances and Xian’s curiosity force Hel to cross lines he never before dared…

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Copyright © 2010 R. G. Alexander
All rights reserved — a Samhain Publishing, Ltd. publication

“Shall I kill them for you?”

Xian turned from the small altar on her private balcony and smiled softly. “You’ve asked each time I come back from a meeting with the council. What would you do should I ever say yes?”

Her Sun Guard quirked his lips. “Obey with haste and enthusiasm, High Priestess, as I always do.”

She shook her head. “Much as I am tempted today, I’m still not sure the Goddess would approve.”

But then, she wasn’t sure She wouldn’t. Not after hearing the men of the council spitting bile and demanding blood for the loss of the recent Sacrifice. That, combined with the previous disappearance of several Roses, prostitutes from the brothel, had them shouting recriminations and fear for the return of The Burning Time.

Chamberlain Vey kindly pointed out that though there had been incidents in the past, they had been rare until now. Until Xian. No Sacrifice, no Wanderer taken for seed and returned to the Goddess, had ever turned the tides and escaped, taking a Breeder with them.

During the meeting, he actually demanded that the Temple increase the Sacrifice rituals. To kill two—even three Wanderers at a time to make up for what was lost. They cried faith, but it was greed and thwarted lust she saw in their eyes. They did not fear the reprisal of an angry god, nor did they respect the Goddess. They were children throwing tantrums at having their toys taken away.

Nitara.

Xian knew the Breeder was safe. Knew now that Nitara had willingly chosen to save the Wanderer, the desert warrior, and run with him. She’d spoken privately with Nikkan and Leilin, Nitara’s siblings and accomplices. She’d loved the young woman like her own flesh and blood. What hurt most was that Nitara hadn’t trusted Xian enough to tell her that she’d had more than first-time nerves. To tell her that she’d spent her Taming Moon with a Wanderer whom their soothing draughts had not affected, and formed an attachment to him.

A bitter chuckle escaped her lips. Why would she? It was Xian who had placed her on her path. Even when, after years of study under the former High Priestess, Xian still didn’t understand why the ritual was necessary herself. Oh, she knew what she’d been taught. In order to soothe the Sun’s anger, in order to aid the Goddess, it must be a life for a life—sacrificial blood for a virgin’s blood. But it felt wrong.

That feeling didn’t stop her from forcing the murderous burden onto her charges…too many times to count. If her predecessor had not seen Xian’s birth veil or markings as a sign that she would be a Temple leader, she too could have been a Breeder, could have been called upon to kill the father of her child moments after conception. As it was, she was born with blood on her hands, since her true mother had not survived the birthing process. That too, was considered a sign.

“My Priestess, if you do not stop looking so sad, I will have no choice but to believe they have offended you beyond repair and slay them all. What troubles you? Do they continue to blame you for the young Breeder’s escape?”

Hel, her Sun Guard, was the only one involved that she hadn’t spoken to yet. She didn’t want to admit, even to herself, that he had kept it from her. He was her confidant, her protector. For six rotations of the starlit sky, since her predecessor had passed and she’d been given the mantle of High Priestess, he had never wavered in his commitment to her. Even during Akaash and Nitara’s flight, he had wrapped Xian in his arms, protecting her from the fire and the angry mob with his own body.

But he hadn’t told her why he’d been instrumental in helping them escape.

She turned to study him more fully. The sun through the sheer blue curtains that separated her from the harsh daylight cast his skin in shades of dark bronze. A testament to his tolerance for and life beneath the hot sun.

All Sun Guards were impressive compared to the ordinary citizens of Kroy Wen and the eunuchs. They spent their entire lives training, after all. But Hel was…more. Strong and broad-shouldered, he was taller than most of the others. Blue-black hair curled against his neck with the heat of the day, and eyes the color of the healing malachite stone glowed from his darkly tanned face.

He’d made many a Priestess flush with his mere presence. The eunuchs would often share the Temple gossip with Xian. They told her how the others wished Hel would enter the lottery just once, that one of the reasons they imagined he didn’t, had to do with speculation about his relationship with their High Priestess.

There was none. No male touched the High Priestess. But Xian would be lying to herself if she denied her fantasies. How often had she completed a fertility ritual by the light of the moon, or taught a newly blooming Breeder the ways of self-pleasure, and found an image of Hel in her mind? Too often.

Her role in the Temple forbade such selfish urges. Her passion and energy was for Kroy Wen and all her charges, not for herself. As she was trained. As it was meant to be. She was chosen by the High Priestess Ani and the Goddess to be mother to all, and could never be mother, or lover, to one. Certainly not to a Sun Guard who was duty-bound to follow her every command.

You didn’t command him to help Nikkan save Nitara.

Friendships between eunuchs and outer guards were rare indeed. As they should be. The eunuchs had been created to protect the Breeders in the inner sanctum of the Temple. Some were chosen at birth, some were the result of punishment when her predecessor had been forced to make an example.

The Sun Guards worked outside, also protecting those who dwelled inside these walls, but they did not befriend, or in many cases respect, the inner guards. It wasn’t something Xian necessarily approved of, but she’d been taught that the separation was necessary for the safety of the Breeders. She supposed she’d just had that lesson reaffirmed.

Hel was not merely another Sun Guard, loyal only to her. He had secrets. A life separate from hers. It rattled her, thinking she might not know him as well as she thought.

She crossed her arms, determination steeling her spine. It was time. She couldn’t back down now. “Hel, arm yourself and gather any supplies you believe we’ll need. I must journey to The Vault.” She hesitated. “I would prefer that you not share this information with your fellow Sun Guards.”

His lashes flickered in surprise, but he didn’t question her. Bowing low he backed into the room, toward his own small adjacent one to comply.

She knew what he wanted to say. They had already made the perilous journey once this year. It was only done when those Priestesses who had trained to understand the stars and their meaning deemed it safe. When the Crone foresaw a clear path. When other Sun Guards stood at the ready to make the journey with them.

This was not one of those times. Yet Xian felt compelled. She glanced down at the altar with the carved, lush figure placed in the center. Perhaps the Goddess was guiding her steps.

Perhaps.

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